All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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