Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
