just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
