im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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