i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
