The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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