I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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