stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
