She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
