Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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