Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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