Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
