Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
