Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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