I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
