That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
