I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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