garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
