Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
