I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
