I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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