i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
