what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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