i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
