you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
