every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
