so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
