sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
