you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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