It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
