found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
