Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
