Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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