This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
