so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
