I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
