he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
