Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
