I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
