for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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