Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
