My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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