I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
