just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this hospital has no fireball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
