I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
