dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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