i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
