you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
