She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
