Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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