he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
