also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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