no, he came in my armpit
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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