it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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