Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
