This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
