Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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